Ladies, do we really need a man? I’m not talking about want or desire. Need. Don’t get me wrong. I love men. Always have. Love being around them, their presence, aura, masculinity. They can be great friends, passionate lovers, wonderful soul mates and partners in life. They can also be awful, selfish and hostile but that’s a whole other blog. But do we need them to feel and be whole?
In evaluating my own rather colorful relationship history, I found that I’ve gone from man to man. Yes, there were pockets of time – I recall the most lasting about a year in between – before there was another man I attracted into my life. And the journey, for the most part, started the same. Passion, curiosity, physical energy, intellectual stimulation and a desire to share Everything with that person – ideas about life and purpose, family history, political views, religious beliefs, music, sex…pretty much everything. There was the excitement of new. Without getting into the whys, it was a journey and then it would end.
Fast forward to my most recent experience. Engaged 3 years, in the relationship for 5. New Years Day 2010, I find out that he met someone who caused him to ‘question his happiness in our relationship‘. Well, first off, Happy New Year. And secondly, WTF? Have to admit that I thought it was strange his complaining about this and that and the other. Conveniently leaving out the part about the other woman. Ah yes, what is it they say about integrity. Integrity is defined as the person you are when no one is watching.
Faster forward, three months out of it, I’ve been rediscovering me. And ironically, I don’t think I’ve ever looked or felt better. Okay, so The Bar Method has been key in the reshaping and toning of my body, but it’s more than that. It’s an inner change, a shift that is affecting the outer. First the awareness, then the shift. Reflecting on my life (again), I have not felt complete without a man in my life. Past tense. When I think back, I realize that relationship has been a key part of my existence, which I think is a female quality, however my identity was tied into having a man, a relationship, a marriage. I was saying to me – you are not enough to be whole.You need a partner to be whole. And trust me – I read the relationship books and was always eager and excited to recite passages from The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth and reading about loving yourself before loving others, and on and on. And in theory I got it. Of course it makes sense. In reality – not so much. Didn’t really play by those rules - had my own set of moment by moment rules infused with my romantic nature and desire to love and be loved, need for attention and approval and…do I really need to go on?
Solo. But this time, haven’t jumped ship into man’s land.
Intentionally solo. And feeling fabulous and anxious. New territory for me. “Be alone,” my male BFF tells me. “Learn to love you and be alone. You don’t need a man to be happy. Be happy with you.” My sister echoes the same words. I do get it and I can taste it. Being complete on my own. A whole new world of self discovery and self expression. Excited. Nervous. Unsure. I found a journal I wrote in 2004 and in it, I have many quotes about human nature, relationship, love. Here’s one I thought was appropriate for this time in my life; “Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other, but choose to live with each other.”
So back to men. I still love men. And I trust that I will be in a relationship again. After I have become complete on my own. I look forward to being true to my spirit and nature and discovering my personal power. One therapist told me many years ago, the day you connect to your personal power and own it, you will be unstoppable. I’m ready…bring it…!